What is the best way to stick up for yourself?
I believe it is by leaving. Walking away from whatever bad situation you are in.
I do not want to be continually speaking out, defending myself, negotiating, bargaining, discussing, reasoning and having to out-shout someone as a way to stick up for yourself.
I hate that type of living.
I live easy, relaxed living and I only enjoy being with people who are easy to be with. Dealing with difficult people is the last thing I want to do.
I walked away from a bad marriage. I tried to stick up for myself by talking to my wife, by reasoning with her, by loving her more, by shouting at her, by all the other methods that are talked about.
But none of that worked. My life was not my own. I contemplated suicide to escape her verbal abuse. I tried to escape with excessive junk food. I tried to lose myself in long hours at work. I was terrified of the future with her. I thought, she is so bad to me now, what will it be like when I am an old man? I will not be gone to work for many hours a day? I will just be sitting there all day, every day, absorbing her venom.
I finally made the decision to leave one fateful day in June. It was not a nice leaving either. I ran when I could no longer take one more second with her. Her rage and verbal abuse were too much.
I could not see beating her. That, of course, is not right. But that is what men have done from the beginning of time. They beat their women enough to keep them in line.
Not me. I left. I did just what I am saying to do.
As a man, the greatest power you have is the ability to walk away. To stick up for yourself by leaving.
Being able to leave whatever situation you are in is the key to your freedom and happiness.
Conversely, if being able to leave is extremely difficult, either by others forcing you to stay, or by your own self imposed limitations, you will not be free or happy.
Let's look at an example:
You join the military. You want to be all you can be. You want to get more done by 9:00 a.m. than most people do all day. You want to get in the best shape of your life. You want to get a free education. You want to see the world. You want to get trained in all the latest technology. You want to follow in your families footsteps. You want to serve your country. You want to kill the bad guys.
The military just uses the propoganda on young men, they brainwash young men into thinking joining the military is a great thing.
This is just crap.
There is no one stopping you from doing all the things the military says it will do for you. You can just do those things without being a hired killer and losing all your freedom.
You can do all those things and you will probably find out you do not want to bother after trying some of them. But then you can easily quit.
You cannot just quit the military. You cannot walk away without getting in serious trouble.
I waited way too long to leave my wife. At the time waiting seemed like the thing to do. In hindsight, waiting was stupid and has made my life much more difficult.
I am working through it but I am wanting to point out to you that if you are unhappy with your wife for whatever reason, the best thing to do is leave her as soon as possible.
The reason that leaving soon is so powerful is that this will enable you to move on to the next stage of your life sooner.
If you think you need to leave your wife then you have already made the decision that you no longer want to be married to her. You are already in a different stage. Instead of being in the in-love stage and the work it out stage, you are in the in-between stage. This stage is the worst to be in. Your wife will sense the new stage you are in and she will make your life even harder than it was before.
For example two of my good friends got divorced many years ago and there lives are really good now. They have years of recovery and their lives are on track. They made the decision sooner rather than later and their lives are fantastic. They did not stay for years in a bad marriage, suffering all that time and putting their lives on hold like I did.
The longer you wait the more your ex-wife will take from you through the court system. The court system is set up to punish men the longer they are married. They call it more fair to the wife but that really means it is unfair to the man.
The better way is to end your marriage earlier and get on your life when you decide it should be this way.
This is not just about marriage either. You may be in a job that is not good for you. It may be boring. It may be too difficult physically or mentally. It may not be for you. It may be in a dying industry or something providing no value.
If you do not like it, leave it. Start the process of looking for something better. This is your life, it is not a rehearsal. If you are in pain, if you are hurting, if you are dissatisfied with something, leave it behind and start moving toward something better. You can stick up for yourself, you have to, no one else can really do this for you except in very limited circumstances.
Just think this through. Leaving is not that bad. It is not as hard as fighting and defending yourself. It is simpler to just stick up for yourself by leaving.
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If you are in a bad marriage that is draining the life out of you, learn what to do here.
How to Leave Your Wife
is my story of how I left my wife and why you may need to leave yours.