It is hard to get tough. You have spent a lifetime being a soft touch and a pushover. When things got tough, you wimped out. When someone gave you a hard time, you caved in.
How is that working for you?
For me, it made my life a living hell. I went through years of verbal abuse with my ex-wife. It was not until I got tough enough to leave her that my life started to improve.
Do you think I could be writing this to you if my wife was looking over my shoulder complaining and criticizing my every move? Do you think I could have time to create these web pages, write books, exercise, work a normal job, care for 2 children and have some fun if I was working endlessly at ridiculous honey do lists of no consequence?
Do you think my life could be good at all without leaving my wife and an ability to get tough with her now?
I do not live with her anymore. But she still comes around. When she comes over now she starts out all meek, mild and pitiful. When I start asking her about getting a job at Wal-Mart or McDonalds or finding an apartment she flies into a rage.
Then I have to get tough with her. I lay it on the line how only a worthless person isn't working and only a useless person does not make any attempt to better their life. And only a an extremely disturbed or crazy person treatst the people who help her like garbage.
My version of tough love does not seem to be getting through to her.
But it is getting through to me.
I am benefiting with my tougher attitude.
When she first comes over the old non-tough me lets her in and listens to her latest tale of woe. BUt it is the same old story over and over again. I have heard it a thousand times. I do not know why I bother to let her in or listen other than it is the old softie in me.
But after listening to her for an hour, the tougher me comes out and I tell her she has to leave. I tell her to go. I tell her the kids will see you later. See you. Bye. I try to avoid shouting and yelling. That is not what this is about. It is about being firm, setting boundaries and realizing that I matter. I deserve to have a good life free from bother from my ex-wife who cannot grasp that she is the problem.
But I have no way of helping her. She has to help herself.
It is not up to me to fix her or do for her. I did that for 20 years. She set me back 20 years.
It is not all bad. We have 2 great kids. I have learned a lot. And I am compelled to share my story with you.
I am compelled to tell you that you may need to get tough with the people around you especially your wife. She may be the problem, not you.
You may need to get tough in many aspects of your life. You may be doing too much of the wrongs things. Drugs, alcohol, smoking and eating in excess will ruin you.
In my case food is my vice. I am working on it. But just because I am carrying too much weight does not mean I should be a punching bag for any person including my wife. You deserve a good life.
You have to get tough in the areas of your life that need it. If your wife walks all over you, yous have to stand up for yourself. Truthfully if she has been walking all over you for years, the only good solution is to leave. She is not just going to sweeten up if you tell her to.
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If you are in a bad marriage that is draining the life out of you, learn what to do here.
How to Leave Your Wife
is my story of how I left my wife and why you may need to leave yours.