Welcome to Personal Development for Men Issue #39

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Hurt and Love

It seems to be getting better

That song by Johnny Cash has to be the saddest song ever. I do not even know what he is singing about, but I sit and cry anyway.

The closer you get to death, the more you feel the pain.

These sad songs are so popular because you feel the pain from the singer and feel your own pain.

It is going to be hard to go through life without tons of pain.

To me, the world seems to be getting better and more loving in some ways. I see the difference in the world from when I was a kid until now with my kids.

My daughter showed me her school notebook when she finished seventh grade. Lots of her friends signed her notebook and signed it love, so and so.

I saw that and was astounded. When I was in seventh grade no one ever wrote to me and and said they loved me. No one said they loved me either.

My parents loved me. They showed the love. But it was something that was never said.

It does not hurt to say it also.

I think my generation kind of missed out on the love.

The 60's seemed to be a free wheeling, loving time. By the time I was a teenager, those days were dead and we were back in a loveless time of the 70's and 80's.

Now, the love seems to be coming back and it is about time.

As an aside, perhaps the reason I married my wife was because she said she loved me.

Just saying.

No other girl had ever said that to me.

No other person had ever said it to me either.

So, the first person who said she loved me, had me hooked.

Food for thought. Was the reason I married my wife, a woman who did not suit me very well, and who would eventually make my life a living hell, who I would have to run from, only because she was the first person to ever say that she loved me? Was that all it took?

Tell your kids you love them and tell them all the time. It cannot hurt them. They need to hear this all the time. When they grow up at least they will have that.

Maybe it will help them later in life. Maybe they will have the courage to leave a bad marriage because of your kind words and knowing they can always count on their father's love.

I am not really sure why telling people you love them is so hard for so many people. It is not that difficult to say.

That being said, I am a very lovable person. People who know me have a hard time not loving me. They do not say they love me, but I can kind of tell.

So, it is not all bad.

Getting back to hurt.

Thinking about my childhood and teenage years does hurt. I feel that pain. I feel the pain of others who grew up in abusive situations. Do not get me wrong. I was never abused as a child. My parents were wonderful and still are. I am talking about the general mood of the world at that time. The general mood seemed to be one of tolerance for pain, lack, cold, and a general feeling of bullying from the outside world.

The outside world affects you just as your inside world affects the outside world.

I feel the pain of my kids having to live through the problems of their mother.

I feel for people who have had to deal with her, especially me. That is the pain.

I wish I could look you in the eye as a friend and tell you I love you. I wish I could tell my good friends this. I have to settle for getting a little mushy when I have had too much too drink and the time is right.

What I would like to tell them is that being friends with them, hanging out, chasing girls, traveling and drinking have been the best time ever for me. Without that I would be lost.

I wish I could tell my parents I loved them. That is too hard for me to do. I told my wife I loved her all the time. I tell my kids I love them nearly every day. But the old ways are hard to shed.

I feel the pain of my friends and the pain of the broken homes they grew up in.

But why does anyone really need to be able to deal with so much pain?

I read Johny Cash's book and saw the movie. I know all about his pain. It seems so awful. He was one of the most fantastic singers in the world, but it seems he would have traded all that in and not have had to deal with the pain.

The world is trying to improve. We are writing and reading this good stuff. But there is a segment of the population that is still trapped in the old world way of pain and hurt. Of murder, and war and hatred, violence, racism and general hurt and pain.

I think this attitude comes from above. The powers that be want us to hurt. They need us to feel the pain. They need us afraid. They need us to hate and kill and cause violence and pain.

There are not enough of the ones in power to control us directly. So they control us with our own pain. Our own hurt. We feel it and we cause it.

It is so obvious once you stop to see it. Why must we continue down the path of violence and hate? Why must we continually preach to our young men how great it is to be a hired killer? Why do we only see the honor and fun of killing and not the horror?

It is how they keep us where they want us, of course.

Get past the hurt and go to the love. Go to the happiness. Go to the good.

Why does every moment have to be filled with fear and pain? There is not reason for that. It is just a feeling instilled in us by others. A way for others to control us. A way for others to get us to do what they want.

You become free by being free. How you act, how you are, how you think and what you do.

Do you turn people in for breaking rules, or do you let them be?

Do you let the people closest to you that you love them?

Do you treat yourself with love, dignity and respect? In spite of the things you want to change? Even if you mess up? Even if your life is not what you want now?

Start there. Start with loving yourself. Start saying it to yourself in the mirror. Be your own best friend. Start the love with you.

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