Moral development is quite the topic. I believe that far too many men and women leave this to someone else. They leave it to the churches, religions, schools and governments.
This is how religions and governments like it. It gives them a lot more power. But is this the right way to go about it?
No. It is your job as a father to provide the moral development and guide your children and teach them by example and how you speak and lead your life.
Religions and governments will say for you to listen to them and live your life according to what they say you should do. But more often what they say is that living in misery is the best way to live. You will get your reward in heaven and it is noble to suffer. Such hogwash. It is hard to believe so many millions of people believe such garbage, but they do. That is why there is so much misery in the world.
But that is another topic for another day. The moral development topic for today is to just focus on your life and the lives of the people closest to you.
One of my biggest fears before I left my wife was that my children would no longer love me. I feared that they would abandon me. I feared that they would no longer want me to be a part of their life.
My other biggest fear is that their mother would hurt them emotionally.
I had to leave my wife anyway. My marriage was destroying me and I was willing to lose my kids to get away from my wife. It was that bad.
For the first few years after I left, the kids spent most of their time with their mother. I was around but they did not spend much time with me.
Every moment with them was sweet. I tried to make it as nice and pleasant for them as possible. I tried to be as patient and kind with their mother as possible. I am patient and I am kind, so it was no act. It was just me, being me.
During those years I saw the kids as much as possible between the drama and problems of their mother. I was as decent and respectful as possible even though she tried my patience to the breaking point. My moral development lesson consisted of being patient and kind to a person who does not deserve it. My lesson is that I will find a way to deal with your mother because I love you two children and I will find a way to keep you in my life and be available if you need me.
My kids, in spite of growing up in a broken home are about as wonderful as possible. They see the problems of their mother and love her anyway. They just do not let her push them around.
The biggest moral development they learned from me is that the best solution to dealing with a difficult person is to leave that person behind.
A parent must teach their children emotional intelligence. Their happiness and their lives depend on it.
I took my son from his mother last year when they were not getting along at all. He was afraid he was going to hurt her. He is a teenager and not able to cope with a person like his mother. He told me that he just did not think he could stand it.
The problem is her, not him. Having him with me now is one of the best experiences of my life. He is no trouble at all. He is just a kind, wonderful young man who has learned the lesson of leaving behind a person who is not good for him.
He is kind to his mother when he sees her. He will not tolerate much guff from her and does not want to spend much time with her but he wants to love her.
When I first took my son out of the house, my daughter thought it would be much better for her. She saw her mother and brother arguing all the time and thought that it was her brothers fault. Now that he is gone, she thought, everything will be ok.
But that is not what happened. Her mother needs someone to mistreat. First it was me for 14 years, then it was her son for 3 years, then it was her daughter for the last 6 months. I am not sure if she even realizes what she is doing. Even if she does not understand how she is, she still hurts everyone around her.
My daughter saw how her brother was adapting so well to living with me. How much I was kind, loving and respectful to him. How much freedom I gave him to do things but within the boundaries I could accept. His home life is peaceful and relaxing with me. He does not have to deal with the frustration and chaos from his mother. He can just be a teenage boy and do what they do.
My daughter and I would talk of her mother and her problems. I would sometimes say that I may have to come and take you out of there like I did with your brother if it is no good for you. I needed to let my daughter know she would always have a place with me.
I figured I may have to come and get her. But I did not. I held back hoping for the best.
But I walked a fine line. I was hoping that her mother would be good to her and get herself together. I wanted that to happen.
It would be much easier for my daughter to live with her mother and I to see her every week.
I thought that her mother would be a wonderful mother to our daughter. I was hoping that they would be good together.
But it did not happen. Her mother is just not a good person to live with.
My daughter grew weary of her mothers problems and drama and ran away to live with me. She could not bear it anymore. She wants to be a little girl and live a more normal life. Every person deserves a good life.
She learned the lesson of leaving a person who is not good to you being the best way to improve your life.
I was hoping that the kids would not have to leave their mother. I was hoping that the moral development lesson of leaving would be something they would not need until they were adults, but they needed it now.
Get some help with your parenting from Child Behavior Solutions.
When you have a toddler you can learn more at Talking to Toddlers
Perhaps the most confusing time is when your child is a teenager. Get some insight here - My Out of Control Teen
You can be a good dad even if you are single or divorced. I was not a very good dad when I was married. The problems in my marriage took me farther and farther away from being the kind of father I wanted to be and what my kids needed. I had to leave my wife in order to get my life back together and be strong enough to be a good father.