An aspect of fear and worry that not that many people talk about it to actively work on reducing the situations in your life that cause it.
They always say to have no fear, don't worry about it and the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
This just seems stupid to me.
If you are afraid, there is some reason. You want to eliminate fear and worry.
What is needed is a way to actually do that. If you sit and do nothing, you will worry and be afraid. You need methods and procedures to take.
Instead of worrying about your bills and how you are going to pay, you take action. You determine as precisely as you can your normal monthly and yearly bills and you determine how much these are. You write it all down. You take this action. You get your financial situation organized so you know where you stand.
You then pay what you can right now and mail these in, or pay on-line, or you call on telephone checks, however you do it. You take this action.
Whatever you cannot pay now, you schedule in your planner book. You determine how much you can pay.
You then avoid spending additional money for awhile so you create a little cushion in your checking account. This cushion is to pay those bills and to pay other bills as soon as they arrive.
You may find after getting your finances in order that you are so far in over your head you have to go bankrupt or let your house be foreclosed or both.
Those things are not the end of the world. It happens all the time and people live through those things. I have lived through them. It is not so bad.
I am so much happier with no credit card debt and a modest monthly rent for living expenses instead of multiple bills and a gigantic mortgage.
It is far less stressful to just pay the bills as they come in. Pay early, rather than late.
If you get a bill that is not a normal monthly bill, say a dental or doctor bill you either pay it all or as much as you can as soon as it arrives.
The way to create this cushion is the desire to have it. If you want the cushion, you will have it. It will be what you want. You will not spend all your money as soon as you get it. You will leave some money in your checking account to just pay the bills as they come in.
Much of my fear and worry is related to my ex-wife. It is one thing to tell me not to worry about her. It is entirely another matter to not do so.
Since I cannot control what she does or doesn't do, this causes me fear and worry.
What I recommend to any man is to never create this huge negative in your life. Never marry. Plan for short term relationships. Even George Clooney never gets married anymore. He only stays with a woman for 2 or 3 years.
The drama and chaos leading up to a divorce and the continual struggle and problems afterwards are not worth it.
Getting married is really a fear based relationship anyway. The man is afraid that he is going to lose the woman if he does not marry her. The woman is afraid she will never get married and needs someone to pay the bills.
Marriages start out as wonderful love affairs, hopefully, but over time develop into a stagnant business relationship.
Why do people stay together even if they do not love each other deeply and want to spend most of their time together?
You know why. Fear and worry and for the money.
Having a husband to pay the bills is the main reason women stay with men they do not want to be with.
Not losing most of his assets and most of his income is why men stay with women they no longer love and do not want to be with.
You worry you will not meet someone else. You are in fear over how you will live.
We trade the excitement, passion, fun, adventure, uncertainty and wildness of dating and meeting new people, trying new things, getting to know other people for the stale, stagnant life of trying to please one person who is impossible to please.
There is a very small segment of the population who marry and their marriage stays together and the couple is very happy.
If you want that go ahead and try to find that. The key is for both people to be that way. You cannot just have one person who is committed and loves the other. You need both. Plus, both people need the freedom within the marriage to live a full life. Each person needs an extremely full life in order to bring back good feelings to the other. A woman cannot live for the man. A man cannot live for the woman.
The system of marriage itself has been rigged to force people to stay in loveless marriages. Marriage is a way to control massive numbers of people because it keeps massive numbers of people living in misery or at least mediocre lives.
Once you see this you can finally do something about it. You can get free of all this stupid nonesense of marriage is for life and you made a committment. It is all propoganda to enslave you to someone else.
Then all kinds of auxiallary businesses spring up and develop to siphon off even more of your money in order to either stay with someone you do not like or try to leave.
It is so stupid as to be comical. We are continually fed all these stupid lies so often that we believe them.
A better model is to be happy living alone and dating as much as you want and need.
You just deal with fear and worry by dealing with it. Not avoiding it. Not pretending it is not there. Not by looking for someone else to take care of it for you. You do it. You determine what you are afraid of and take steps to deal with it.
I had a bad marriage. My wife was not good for me. I was afraid of her, of what she would say and do. I dealt with that fear by leaving her. I was afraid to leave her but I did it anyway.
I have been deeply in debt. Partly due to my wifes reckless spending and partly due to my own problems. But mostly it was due to a bad marriage. I dealt with this problem by going bankrupt. There was no way for me to move on without doing this.
I have had times where I had a mountain of bills to pay. The way to deal with that is to learn exactly what you have to pay, when and then do something about it.
I quit basketball before the start of my senior season in high school. I hated basketball but was afraid to quit. I gathered up my courage and told the coach I was not going to play that year. He went livid with rage. He could not fathom someone quitting. Even me, who was not very good and only rode the bench, and spent most of my time with sprained ankles, blistered feet, who when I did play messed up. In my mind there was nothing for me. Basketball did not help me, it only hurt me. I faced my fear and worry over quitting something I hated. This quitting saved my high school experience. The rest of my senior year went very well and I had a very good year. All the years prior to this sucked.
I am still afraid of my ex-wife. When she comes over it is usually not good. I have got into screaming matches with her. But I am learning how to deal with her. If I know she is coming to pick up the kids I hustle them up so they can just go and she does not have to hang around waiting. They can drag their feet and be slow sometimes. If she is hanging around too much I have to get tough with her and tell her to go.
I deal with the fear and worry about her by being more proactive.
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If you are in a bad marriage that is draining the life out of you, learn what to do here.
How to Leave Your Wife
is my story of how I left my wife and why you may need to leave yours.