Welcome to Personal Development for Men Issue #6
Welcome to the Personal Development for Men ezine.
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Help Your Son Be More Popular
The other day I was having coffee at Starbucks. A young man sat down in the comfortable chair next to me. He appeared to be in high school. The thing was that he probably was a very nice young man but he had the poor appearance that plagues many men, and especially young men. He looked like a nerd, too dorky to feel comfortable around girls.
I am sure that what happens to many young men is that the parents do not really have much excess money to buy the types of clothes and things that help a young man look good. That is the parents fault. It is not the boys fault that his parents are too poor to help him look good. He has to suffer because you are poor.
This type of looking dorky and nerdy does not help a young man feel good about himself. Even if he acquires money himself later to make improvements, the damage is done. It will take years of effort and money to get out from the stain of not looking his best during his adolescence.
As a father, you really need to see to the needs of your sons. You need to help him look better, look more cool and more alpha. What a man wears and how he carries himself matters. Women are easier to get if you look cooler, more hip and more alpha. It is easier to make friends if you do not look so dorky.
Here is what this poor young man was doing wrong:
1) He had glasses. You just cannot hope to look good in glasses. Buy your son contact lenses as soon as you can. He can wear glasses in the morning, evening and around the house to stretch out the cost. But he needs to wear contact lenses whenever he is at school or out in public. The glasses he had were not even the more modern ones that look halfway decent. They were the same type of nerdy glasses I had 30 years ago. Those types of glasses looked bad then and they look even worse now.
2) He was wearing a Columbia winter parka with a hood. First of all, hoods never look good. It was in the 20's today, cold but not terrible. He should have taken the hood off. Men never look good in hooded coats. It gives you a big hunchback of Notre Dame look. Save the hoods for when you are stranded in a blizzard or working outside in the cold and snow for a few hours. You don't need a hood to go to school and then sit in Starbucks. I love Columbia coats. They are warm, comfortable and waterproof. They are great for outdoor activity. But they are as ugly as sin. Men have to wear good looking coats of some kind. Leather is always good.
3) He was wearing cheap sweatpants. Older men cannot wear sweatpants when they are out. Younger men look good in sweatpants as long as they are of really good quality. The sweatpants he had on were not. That is the parents fault for not buying better quality.
4) He was wearing a cheaper pair of black tennis shoes. I think tennis shoes are acceptable as long as they are mostly white. Black tennis shoes are hard to pull off. Your look has to be just right. It is too difficult. Just buy your son new white, or white with some accent colors tennis shoes 2 or 3 times a year so they are somewhat fresh.
5) He was wearing white socks. You can wear black socks with dark sweat pants. You can wear white socks with with white tennis shoes. You just can't wear white socks with black tennis shoes.
6) I could not tell what type of shirt he was wearing because he had his coat zipped up to his neck. This looks terrible. A man needs to keep his coat open at the neck and as much as possible so his great looking shirt can be seen. The layers of t-shirt, shirt and coat add interest. A young man needs to have cool looking t-shirts and cool sweatshirts or shirts over the t-shirt, then the coat. A man has to look open and approachable with his coat open and his sweatshirt or shirt open to his t-shirt. This is the open, alpha male look that works well. When you have your coat all zipped up tight even when you are not cold it shows fear, and that is what you do not want.
7) He had a dorky looking haircut. Everyone has to study the styles enough that you can easily wear your hair in a manner that looks good. He was young with a full head of hair. A young man can take advantage of having thick and long hair when he is young. I am balding so those days are gone for me. But this young man had a very bad hair cut. It may have even been cut by his father. Don't do that. A decent haircut only costs $15.
8) He had acne. There is medication for this. If it is severe, you have to get your son to a dermatologist. You do not want to let this get out of hand. I am lucky, neither one of my kids has had problems with acne. Of course, I think limiting soda and candy helps along with doing the normal things to keep healthy.
9) He was wearing a fanny pack. It is hard to look good with these. He had his IPOD in there. But if you are wearing a coat with pockets and pants with pockets there is no real reason to wear a fanny pack under normal use. They are supposed to be used when you are hiking for a number of hours. I wear them then. I like wearing a fanny pack much more than a backpack. I carry water, my lunch, maps and whatever else I need for a very long, many hour hike. If I am hiking less than an hour, I carry nothing. Just walking into Starbucks is not a reason to wear a fanny pack.
10) He was pale. It is March in Wisconsin, so most people do not get outside much. But everyone needs some sunshine. A man needs to be outside a lot in decent weather. If you are outside a lot the color with carry over from year to year. If you are never outside, the paleness will carry over from year to year. Being in the sun more will help reduce or maybe eliminate acne.
11) He was wearing tight, white brief underwear. No, I am only kidding, I could not tell. But if was, that is a mistake. Men need to wear loose fitting, good-looking, dark colored boxer shorts. Your penis and testicles are much too constricted and squeezed down to nothing in tight underwear. You have to keep that part of you loose and with room to breathe. The scientific research is starting to point this out. The anecdotal experience is overwhelming. Your penis and testicles get small and stay small in tight underwear. You don't want to do this to your son. You don't want to do this to you. The boxer shorts you buy have to be cotton, not polyester. A man has to feel comfortable all day. The material has to be dark so accidents in the back do not show through. The boxers have to look nice so you can walk around with only them on and look good. Those ridiculous patterns from the discount stores are no good at all. Blues, dark browns, maroons and blacks are what you need to buy.
There were good things about this young man that he can build on. He was fairly tall, maybe nearly 6 feet. He was lean. He had large hands. He has all the things it takes to look good to women, height, leanness, and large hands. With weight training he could build some muscle, continue to stay lean and develop the veiny tough looking, powerful hands of a real man. If he continues down the path of no lifting, and excessive video gaming and computer work he will become softer, flabbier, paler and weaker.
All these things are not the boys fault. The parents need to buy some better quality clothing for him and encourage him to wear it. You, as his father, need to show him how to dress better by dressing better yourself.
It is hard enough growing up without going out of your way to look bad. This was a classic example of doing everything wrong. These things are not that expensive either. They do cost, but your son is worth it. He will struggle through life needlessly because of looking dorky and nerdy. He will have a hard time making friends and meeting girls. You have to help him. You have to buy him the types of good clothes, contact lenses and haircuts that make him look good.
You have to do your part by making an effort to not look dorky yourself.
My son does not look this way. He does more things right. I know it costs more to look better. But what else is a father to do but help his kids to thrive.
You are not helping your son increase his confidence this way. You are contributing to stunting his social skills.
All it takes is an awareness that this is important, and making spending money on looking good a priority.
Your son will thank you someday for this.
I hate to be so hard on this young man, but if you are his father you can help him look better, make friends easier and meet girls easier. His life does not have to be a struggle of no friends and no girls. You and he can just work through these issues and get him on the right path to looking good.
You could also get more information from this resource -
The Handsome Factor
How to Leave Your Wife
The book is my story of how I found the courage to leave my wife and get on with my life.
More information why contact lenses are important to your looks.
Look Better Fast
How a man can look better fast.
More information from my website on being a single dad. Being a father is great whether you are single or married.
The Handsome Factor - This is a great resource for men, and especially young men to learn how to maximize your appearance.
Here is that link again to The Organized Single Dad, if you missed it.
The Organized Single Dad eBook
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